We all know those couples that were so in love and now so in hate. So what gives?
One thing I've humbly learned, "Love Is a Choice" makes for a great debate. That post ruffled some feathers. Some of you are ardent that love is only a feeling. This author firmly believes that love is 'more than a feeling' (insert Boston song here). BTW, I'll be the first to say this author can be wrong. It's called the 'flawed' marriage blog for a reason. I am flawed and I can be wrong. To be quite frank, I seek Truth. If I'm wrong, I'll admit it and correct...eventually. In the quest for Truth and what works in your marriage and key relationships, ponder this...
We can all agree that hate is the opposite of love, correct? Would you agree that hate is a choice? Do you fall into hate?
When you are on the path to love and getting married - you embrace love. When one gets divorced, I see a lot of hate embraced. I know - not everyone. Some can divorce with civility. However, we all know those couples that were so in love and now so in hate. So what gives?
Certain choices/actions lead to one polar or the other (love or hate). Constantly, your marriage and relationships are in flux. You may not notice it. Indifference can contribute to it. Your relationship is like a living being. You are either moving closer to love or further away all the time (even by just a little bit).
Let's further examine hate. Here's a trip for you. Have you ever factored that both love and hate require passion? If you hate, you are investing a lot of time and thought to that person/thing that hurts you . Most of you have never thought of it that way. You choose to hold a grudge and bitterness. If not you, you know those people that are bitter. They attempt to punish that person/thing. In reality, they hurt themselves and they are definitely a bummer to be around. Misery loves company.
Disclaimer - Some of you have really been hurt. You may have been raped. You may have had a loved one murdered. You may have been betrayed. You will never forget something like that. That will hurt. That is something that you can't just forget. Most of you will need therapy to process that. As for this little post, I will still encourage you - for the life you have left - to invest in love and good. You are here for a reason. You have a purpose. Don't let that hurt define you. It is part of your story. It's not all of your story. God promises good out of bad for those that seek him - Rom 8:28. You can help/serve others out of that pain. This author believes that path is part of your healing.
Going full circle, some of you are asking why are you on this whole love or hate is a choice tangent? Here is why. If you choose to love/commit/work at it (both sides), we will see a lot less divorce and broken families. If we see more embrace hate, we will see a lot more divorce/broken families. Many of you are hopeless and have no idea how good things could be again with mutual effort and choice. We have documented case studies of bad divorces ending up in re-marriage and better than ever. That may seem hard to believe and it is TRUE. Anything is possible with God.
Let me end with this little story. The reason this author is not normal and so passionate about marriage is I didn't grow up in a normal family. My father is a psychologist. He and my mom and have been married for over 50 years. I've witnessed what works. When I was young, my sister and I fought a lot. I would say to my dad, "She makes me so angry!". My dad would reply, "She doesn't make you angry. You choose to be angry". I hated it when he said that. Or shall I say I chose to hate that reply. Haha! Anyway, as a grown adult, I now get his logic. We can't always control what happens to us. We can certainly control on how we are going to react to it. Ponder that.
For daily/bite size insights to improve your marriage, go to @MarriageFire. For more and deeper dives on marriage best practices, go to FlawedMarriageBlog.